this topic might make a few uneasy, i will forewarn you...it is about my decision to breastfeed my son and why i am so passionate about it. so if this sort of thing makes you a little on the edge and weirded out, right now might be the time for you to stop reading. ;)
let me start off by saying this...i am not one of those granola eating, tree huggin' moms {but i am friends with many of them and have nothing against them either!}. far far from it. in fact, i'm probably just the opposite. with the exception of how i feed Aiden and that i love babywearing {wish i would have been more informed about both when Haylee was born}. i just feel like i know a little about both "worlds" better now. let's start with why i chose this path...
when i was pregnant with Haylee, as most parents-to-be are before they have their first kid, i had great intentions of doing everything the "right" way. i envisioned this sweet little newborn, perfect in every way...fitting into all of her newborn clothes...sleeping through the night...breastfeeding her and having that precious mother/daughter bond, everything going all hunky dory. little did i know, Haylee had other plans in mind. ;) first of all, she was {and is} a lazy baby and very stubborn {i have to say she comes by that naturally...}. i guess it didn't help that i had absolutely NO CLUE what i was doing when it came to being a mother...let alone nursing a newborn.
i think my biggest mistake was day two in the hospital, i let the nurses take her to the nursery at night, i told them to please bring her in when she is hungry because i wanted to exclusively nurse her. well, i had a great night's sleep and those darn nurses didn't bring her in once that night! if you have babies, you know that they pretty much cry all night in the hospital...it's a new experience for them after all. i know they must have given her a bottle of formula...so i believe to this day that is what confused her...she cried, they provided a bottle to keep her quiet, that was that. when i got her we worked on nursing her. it was not going as smoothly as i had envisioned. it made me feel like a partial failure. first she wouldn't latch on, when i did get her to do that she was past the point of mad and wouldn't eat half the time. then she was soooo sensitive to every little thing i ate! i gave up way too easily/fast too, i wish i would've just pushed through and kept it up. to this day i feel a twinge of guilt for not trying harder to give her my best.
for Haylee switching to formula {i nursed and supplemented for 6 weeks with her} was not only leaving me feeling like a horrible mother {which i know isn't true at all}, but it led to all sorts of nightmares down the road. we realized she had an allergic reaction to dairy...which is probably why she would get upset when nursing. we switched formulas numerous times and ended up putting her on a lactose free formula that costed a small fortune. had i only been more educated on the benefits and ups/downs and ins/outs of breastfeeding, i know i would've stuck it out. i do have to say though...as far as it being a benefit when it comes to having a healthy child - Haylee was only sick once {besides having low grade fevers due to teething} ever! she had a bad sinus infection that led to fluid build up on her ear drums, leading to tubes in her ears. other than that, nothing. maybe it was because of her first 6 weeks and the antibodies she received from me then, who knows.
in hind sight, yes, i wish i would have educated myself better than i did. i wish i would've stuck it out as long as possible. we were both stressed out and that's good for neither mom nor baby. i did what i thought was best for Haylee at the time. when i found out i was pregnant with Aiden - i thought well maybe i'll give it another try. if it works, good. if not, oh well. although deep down inside i wanted it to work soooo very badly. i thought i would be even harder on myself if it did not work a second time, because maybe it was just me? i prayed about it {as silly as that sounds, yes i sure did!}. i joined an online support forum, which i still refer to whenever i have a stupid question because there is no such thing as a stupid question when it comes to breastfeeding. i read book after book. i asked a ton of questions to a few friends {remember those granola friends i have? love them!!} and my sis-in-law who nursed all four of her kids {i think i drove her crazy actually...hee hee}. i just wanted to be more than well informed and give myself and Aiden a good go at it this time! i felt like i let Haylee down in a way because i had enough milk supply to feed a small army but yet, it wasn't good enough for her. and i'm feeling like if both mother and child are not into it then what is the use...breastfeeding is a dual relationship and when it doesn't work for both parties involved then it doesn't work at all.
when Aiden was born, he couldn't have been born in a better hospital! they are very supportive of the breastfeeding mother and baby bond. right after a baby is born in fact they place baby skin to skin for an hour on the mother. after about 30 minutes or so the newborn will instinctively root around for the mother to feed him. that is exactly what Aiden did and from day one he has been a PRO at nursing. i only had one small issue with his latching because he was born with a slight tongue tie. we got it clipped when he was 2 months old. our nursing relationship is awesome now! he is definitely a boob man. there are ups and downs to it as well, Haylee took to a pacifier real fast and loved it. my kids are super suckers and that's what soothes them. both of them are this way, only Aiden hates a pacifier and wants mommy to soothe him all of the time. ;) like i said, it is a good and bad thing, depending on what i have going on that day.
he is definitely night and day when it comes to comparing him to his sister. although certain foods i eat bother him - they don't bother him to the extent of not eating like they did Haylee. he's never screamed in pain {knock on wood} when i eat something that doesn't agree with him. he does spit up a lot more. like i have to steer clear of milk, yogurt and ice cream {my fav things!} oh and chocolate too. i am more cautious of what i eat and i will not eat things that bother me because of course they will most likely bother him too. i'm more relaxed now too, i think that is the big key. with Haylee i was so wound up and anxious to her every cry. Aiden knows that when he cries, i'll get to him, but i'm not as tightly wound as i was with his big sister. that comes with seasoned parenting though...you learn to not be so uptight about certain things. ;)
i am so happy i am able to provide this special bond and benefit to our son, especailly because i was so heart broken i was not able to do so for our daughter. although Haylee and i bonded {and still bond} in other ways, i'm not saying we didn't have a solid bond or anything, i was just hurt i couldn't give her that relationship. ya know? you can totally bond with a baby and a bottle, but to me, the breastfeeding bond is much more intimate and natural in a way. i feel like my milk has power. i feel like he's getting the ulimate best. i'm so happy and thankful it's working out the way i originally envisioned. now i have started a whole new spin on our nursing relationship because i'm back to work. i have to pump four times a day {ugh!}. Aiden is learning to take a bottle better, although he is still my little boob man. i don't know how far we will go with this. initially i stated 6 months, but now that we are halfway there, and he's still interested i'm thinking of shooting for a year. i don't see myself going past one year personally. i want my body back. but with his issues with milk i think it would be better than the nightmare of trying ten different formulas before we get the "right" one for 6 more months. i think i will see where he stands and how i feel when he starts getting teeth! haa ha!
for now...i am just enjoying our special bond because tomorrow he will be climbing trees and breaking bones and all grown up...
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