struggling tonight. i really am. i'm not letting it show too much though. i have snuck in some tears and crying between shopping, dinner and watching tv with the family. ever since my mom's email i've had a huge lump in my throat that i cannot seem to swallow and a knot in the pit of my stomach that will not budge. my chest feels like it's closing in and my throat is struggling to not have a constant gag reflex.
i hate cancer. i guess everyone does. i don't understand it and i don't comprehend it and i just want to smack it in it's stupid little face. why does it have to affect the sweetest, most humble and gentle people that i know? why? three of the greatest people i know have cancer at this very moment. two are in remission and one is on the verge of dying. i don't understand it. it's not fair. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
let me tell you what i know. i know a man. his name is william meahan, but we will call him bill for short. better yet, let's call him by the name i've always called him - papaw {paw-paw} meahan {me-han}. he is my dad {step-dad}'s father. i grew up visiting and seeing him quite often at holidays and visits and he would come visit us once in awhile in his "canary" as we called it {bright yellow car}. he always has a cheery disposition and is a great big BEAR of a man {a snuggly TEDDY BEAR that is}. papaw has always been sweet. he took to my mom, sister and i as if we were his very own. and we did become his own, he treated us like nothing else BUT his OWN. he is a strong Christian guy. he loves Jesus and knows God has a plan for his life and still clings to his faith even today. papaw is a God-fearing man.
but papaw got lung cancer many years ago. he was prayed over and one day the cancer was no where to be found! it was a miracle. papaw IS a miracle. the cancer was in remission. and last year {after SO MANY years of it hiding} it reared it's UGLY fat head and the cancer came back. this time more intensively. so back to chemo, radiation, the works. it's too late. papaw is given 2 months or less to live. i hate cancer.
it breaks my heart to see someone so GREAT go through something so NASTY. cancer is nasty. i hate cancer. hate it. argh!! i'm so mad and upset and sad. i will not get to see my papaw before he dies. i am mad. i am hurt. i just wish it would all go away. he's so sweet. i made him a scarf and sent him a card when i found out the cancer came back. he called me and talked to me and it just touched his heart. i can't do this...the tears keep coming. please pray for papaw.
5 comments:
I am praying for you and your grandfather. I know exactly what you mean about cancer hitting those who are sweet and gentle and kind. It's awful, but oh so true. I love my cancer patients. I love to take care of them and hear their life stories, and somehow fit that into my life. It's inspiring, but heartbreaking. Keep your chin up. You know as well as I do that God has a plan, and things will work out the way they are supposed to. (((HUGS))) Love you, Mel.
thanks jenni. you're so sweet!
I am sorry to hear this Melissa. My uncle is battling cancer right now too. It is such a horrible disease. I pray that he finds peace in there somewhere. You have my prayers
Honey I have read and re-read this and cried so much and I let Dad read it and he cried so hard. We think we want to print it off and give it too PawPaw if that is ok with you? I know he will love to read this and love what you have said it about him.
I love you,
Mom
ok i wouldn't mind that at all mom! please do. and i sent him a letter, card, a picture of Haylee and a picture that Haylee colored him. i really wish i could be there. love you.
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