how do they see you?

the craziest thing just happened to me...just when i was feeling all sorry for myself {don't we all do this at times?} and feeling so not in control of my life and my surroundings...one of my friends emailed me and said this {she doesn't read this blog, but i will share it anyway since this is a private blog}:

"I want to know how you are always so happy. You seem like you have life by the horns and you are making it all go your way. I know you give God his glory and I think that is where I am slacking. Do you have any other secrets?"

this really floored me, because...i feel complete opposite of this comment most of the time! i never feel like i have control over anything and things don't always go the way i planned {which is hard when you are a control freak like i am...}. i just thought it was crazy that someone saw this in me. and then i started to wonder...do others see that in me too? it made me think and still i can only give God His glory because quite honestly i give my issues over to Him daily. it must be HIM they see, not me. i know that's deep. but, it's true.

i am currently struggling hard over an issue i just don't understand and it makes me wonder, why. there's a person at work no matter how much work you do and how dependable you are each day and trust worthy and honest and a hard worker...nothing you do is ever right...or....you aren't doing enough. and it's only me this person does this to. other co-workers call in sick every week {i have called in sick 3 times in the 2 years i have worked here}, lie about where they are going, leave early and things such as this - yet, this person sticks up for them, protects them, commends them and makes excuses on their behalf. (side note, i had this all typed out, the computer froze and i lost what i originally typed from here on...haha!) anyway it has gotten to the point where it's eating at me, daily. so if there's anything you can do for me, it would be to pray for me. i'm not sure what God is trying to show me here, except maybe to let things go and to be patient? i'm not sure but it's really waring me down. i hear this person talking behind my back, saying things that are so untrue and it hurts. i work hard and i try hard. it goes unappreciated.

i guess i needed to vent about that because i feel a bit better now. but i just want the issue to resolve in itself or for me to just completely NOT care about what this person says or does or thinks of me. i know, i am a child of the most HIGH God {thanks Joel Osteen} and i do not serve this person, i serve my God. i just need to have FAITH that one day i will be acknowledged for my work and my efforts and not treated like i do not work hard, when in reality i know that i do. i know there are greater things waiting for me, i just know it. it may not be here and maybe God is trying to put a thorn in my side so that i do not grow comfortable here. these are only assumptions but i know in my heart there is something great out there for me. i'm going to keep on believing!

wow...actually...i think i like the way this post turned out better than the first one. i feel much more inspired. i think i just have to learn to live and let go...give it to God because my days are filled with so much more life when i do.