so lately i've been blogging about the person i would like to become. sometimes i am so hard on myself. i've really come to realization of that fact. i beat myself up sometimes a little too harshly. at times it holds me back from doing things, from achievements i could totally claim. i am my own worst enemy.but tonight when i was deep cleaning a closet in a room no one uses, i found a journal from when i was pregnant with Haylee. it was SO much fun to read. i discovered something about me. i've come SO far. i have already achieved and conquered and LIVED so much in just 29 years. i've done a lot more than a lot of 29 year olds i know. i've been in the military...i got married young...i have a sweet {although not so much today...hmmm....} little girl and i've been through a lot of junk and a lot of good stuff and i haven't really been appreciating myself lately, but now is the time!
you know someone once told me that it's a sin not to love myself. it's a sin because God made ME and if i don't love ME, what does that say about Him? and you know...that's so so true. there are a lot of things i do not like about myself. things on the inside and out, but you know...it's how HE made me. :)
so i'm not saying this to sound arrogant, more like confident. i'm going to take baby steps in making ME feel good about me. i've been digging into my Bible studies more and making an effort to get out of bed earlier {trust me, not an easy task for me!}...i've been trying to get more physical so my outward appearance is well-kept. ;) this is also hard for me, i'm NOT motivated at all to exercise, sadly. i really wish i was! i try to work this in when i can, lol.
i also just pray that i am {and am really working on this too} a good example. i really want to be a good example for others around me. it's hard sometimes. i don't know why. but it's something i'm working on. :) especially now that Haylee really SEES and HEARS me, even when i think she's not listening or watching. she's learning from me. i have to set that good example and guide her into the right direction...that falls on me.
anyway...well i don't know why i felt obligated to blog about myself in this light tonight. i think i've just really been "soul searching" lately and i'm really trying to become my own person. i could tell you a whole list of what i do NOT want to be...but sometimes learning yourself is not so easy. try it. it's kind of fun to think about what kind of person you are...your goals in life...your desires...what you are passionate about, etc. really gets you thinking!
on a lighter note. i'm SO happy this is a short week. :) Mon-Wed should be nice and fly by (let's pray for that, k?). Tues night we don't have Bible study but the girls are all getting together at one of the girl's home for a game night! doesn't that sound like fun? so i will be attending that to get to know my girls a bit better. i should say that although i haven't been going like i should (hmmm Mrs J...hee hee) BUT i definitely have learned so much from this study and the girls there have really opened up and i feel like i have so much more to get from this. we have 2 more studies after next Tues and then this one is done. but there will be another like this one {same theme i think} opening up in the Spring {i think starts in Jan?} and i'm really thinking of just jumping right into that one also. it's really important to me to socialize with other Christians. and these girls are my age, and some of them with kids so they can relate so easily....it's awesome.
Thursday...Thanksgiving day we will be going to my in-laws {which i LOVE...i'm really blessed to have the best in-laws, and they love me which is nice, lol}. the whole family will be there, so yes...lots of pictures. :) i hope you all have a great week!
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