i don't want to have regrets...here goes...

i hope this doesn't get too long but i think it's something that must be said. even though i am aware of who all reads my blog {well maybe not everyone} i think i just have to say it. i hope i can type the words that express exactly how i feel, i usually don't have a problem with that, but i try to be a very open and honest person with a lot of areas of my life, but there are PLENTY of areas i keep closed off to all. i'm sure we all do.

this morning at church the pastor spoke about regrets. mostly things we wished we could have done or things we didn't do or say that we wished we could have...and then one day it's too late. i really hope that does not happen to me. i feel like i have fulfilled a lot in life so far and i'm only 28 {wow, usually i don't say "only"...but i feel relatively young today i guess, lol}. seriously though...i served in the military for 4 years, i have been married almost 9 years, i have an almost 6 year old, i have a decent job, i have a house, a car....i feel like during the course of my life thus far i have many accomplishments too. career wise, relationship wise, and being a parent is one of life's grandest accomplishments of course. i am so very blessed.

there are things already in life that i regret not doing. going to school and getting a degree for instance. and all too often {maybe it doesn't seem like it to outsiders, but i feel like this a lot}, that gets thrown in my face. i am not ashamed, i took a different route in life than most people. my parents couldn't afford to help me pay for college, i did not get scholarships nor did i have my little heart set on a college or university i wanted to go to my whole life. i did, however really want to serve others. i didn't know how and i knew i was not ready for college, so i really prayed and thought a lot about it (my junior yr in high school on...) and opted to join the military. it was the scariest, yet exciting thing i ever branched out and did. and it was VERY rewarding in the end. i know that was God's plan for me all along now because the military is where i met Tim. he met me, started getting his life back on track by going to church and he accepted Christ as his Savior shortly after he met me. i am not saying that this is my doing at all, this was God's will. :)

but i do regret not going to school while i was either single or going to school and staying in when Tim and i were in the service together. we could have our Masters by now. Tim is attaining that goal faster than i am now. i know i could totally still do it, and i might. but i do regret i never finished that to this day. it's only through trial and error i discovered my calling in life is to be a photographer. ;) but at least i know it's what i want to do now i guess. at least it's not too late for me to do that....hee hee. it would, however, be too late if i wanted to become a doctor (not that i want to, but i think you get the point).

i regret a few {and only a few} other things that i did not say to people i should have. i think we all have those types of regrets. i should've told my cousin that i loved her more before she was killed. i should have said a few things to my family back in the day that might have salvaged relationships {or maybe not, maybe that is why God did what he did}. i know i wished i could have or would have said this or that, but i don't dwell on it. what's done is done.

i just don't want any regrets ever. so i hope you all know...my family, my friends, the people i talk to on a daily basis, my fellow bloggers, my dearest to my heart...i love you guys. :) i love my family even though if i were to choose, some of them probably wouldn't have been my first choice in relatives... lol...i love you anyway. i love you even if you hate me. even if you have a grudge or something against me. i love you dearly and i always have, even through the bad. i'm sorry if i have ever hurt anyone...friends and family alike. sometimes i talk without thinking {alot of times?}. sometimes i do things and don't think of others. but i will always love you.

so before i die...before i leave...before i don't see you ever again {sorry but i wanted to type this out...} i would like to become an AWESOME paid photographer. i want to be a mother that Haylee looks up to and wants to model her life after. i want to travel to a lot of different countries to experience it all. i want to live my life to it's fullest. i don't want regrets. :)

now...enough being deep. :) guess what little miss melissa did to herself today? well...i got my VERY 1st TATTOO. i know...some of you might be saying "what?!?!" right now {unless you've been reading my blog, lol}. yes, yes i did. and i LOVE it! i have been pondering a tattoo for 3 years now. i never found one i really wanted...i knew i wanted something FEMININE though. what's more feminine than a butterfly? they are the most BEAUTIFUL of God's insects, i think anyway. they are ugly and icky and they cocoon and become something absolutely beautiful...and one day they are free. they have a very short life span though...but they are the most beautiful things. so i found one, a little abstract and i had him add a little bit of color too.

it's a little puffy still but it's great...i really like it a lot. if you want to see more pics of it, i am making an album on my facebook {whenever facebook is back up....it's currently down}.


cute right?! :) comment me, let me know what you think...it's still scabby and puffy...but hopefully in a few days it will look a lot better! yay! have a super great WEEK! xoxoxo